Blow-by-Blow Binks Blow-Up Blow-Out: Jar Jar June Day 23

When planning out an absurd event once, one of my friends suggested that we get inflatable things. “They add a sense of scale, ” he said—and he was right! Inflatable items not only add to any kind of display with their large size, but they’re usually cheap and super-easy to deflate and store. Seeing that it’s Jar Jar June (for a few more days, at least… :( ), I’d be criminally negligent if I didn’t shine a spotlight on JJB inflatables—a couple of which are actually practical!

First up, since it’s been featured on TPM:TH before, and is therefore old news, is the inflatable Jar Jar Mountain Dew can:
It doesn’t really “do” anything other than add a touch of class to whatever room it’s placed in, but it’s a great relic of 1999, and a reminder of PepsiCo’s boldest gamble (?!?). The four that I have (Yoda, Qui-Gon, and 2 Jar Jars)all have annoying slow leaks, but out of frustration one day, I filled the bathtub, threw this in, and pushed down until I saw bubbles. A small piece of clear packing tape saved the day, and this hasn’t lost any air in about 2 months. What a gripping story!

Next, the Jar Jar life raft:
Alright, I guess it’s more a “pool float” than a “life raft”, but if you were drowning and this was the only thing in the vicinity, would that matter?? I give the designers at Intex credit for a fun design—JJB floating in water, surrounded by succulent green chubas—but the illustration of Jar Jar’s face and the way the plastic curves when inflated makes him look really old and decrepit. Still, the chubas/gorgs are great:
If Huckleberry Finn took place in the present day, I have no doubt that he’d be floating down the river in one of these.

Finally, the Intex Jar Jar Binks kids’ chair. There’s a long and tragic story about how I used to have a whole CASE of these that I had gotten for mere pennies on the dollar, but I don’t see the need to add any more sadness to the world than there already is [I just started to read the previous sentence to my wife, who cut me off with, “Oh, F—- Off!” before I could even finish it!! Let’s just leave it at that…] . Here’s the chair:
Prince himself owns one of these purple chairs…his feet don’t even reach the ground! I also think I read somewhere once that Simon Pegg has one of these, and that he cries himself to sleep each night, nestled in Jar Jar’s forgiving arms.
I don’t want to start any fuss, and I like Boba Fett—-sent away for him as a kid, thought he was cool, etc.,— but can you tell me how many pieces of furniture or life-saving flotation devices bear his image? None? That’s what I thought. Binks: 2, Boba: 0.


p.s.—A tip for blowing things up: don’t chew gum while you do it...


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